[X4U] Re: Parental control software for Mac?

[Stroller]

On Dec 9, 2005, at 11:58 pm, TjL wrote:
> ...
> Spying is spying regardless of frequency or reasoning.
>
> I'm not arguing against your (or the OP's) freedom to do this, but 
> let's
> call it what it is.

I find this a very intriguing subject... I've met (online & r/l) a 
number of girls who like to be tied up in the bedroom, something that I 
find to be a fairly normal & healthy activity if practised by 
consenting adults. In the experience of many perverts that I've 
discussed this with such fantasies are quite strongly compelling, often 
manifest themselves during teenager years (at an age when sexual 
awareness is messily awakening in all kids) and can lead to feelings of 
confusion, guilt &/or denial.

I've met women in their 30s & 40s who are unhappily married because 
they've suppressed these desires (or for whatever reason because they 
haven't been able to act them out with their husband) and I've met 
quite sensible young ladies (now in their twenties) who at 15 hadn't 
wanted a regular boyfriend, but instead went online to read dirty 
stories & who became aware of safe practices through their consequent 
exposure to the BDSM community.

Now, if you think that spanking your consenting husband / wife / 
boyfriend / girlfriend is sick, unnatural or abhorrent then in response 
to my statements above you'll probably approve of content filtering 
&/or "spying", but assuming you just want your kids to be safe, sane & 
healthy, do you REALLY want to confront this in your teenage daughter? 
If she is kinky (and internet-savvy) she'll almost certainly be reading 
about it.

I assume here that you wouldn't want to know what your twenty-something 
daughter gets up to in the bedroom with the nice young man she brought 
home from college, so presumably your interest is that your younger 
kids should be physically & emotionally safe. Their physical security 
you can protect by knowing where they're going, who they're going with, 
making sure that you collect them from pop concerts (or whatever 
entertainments teenagers attend these days), and so on, but their 
emotional security you won't protect by creating a garden wall that can 
be breached the moment they reach the age of consent or leave home for 
college.

I'm not an expert on parenting (and am able to say this without kids of 
my own & safe in the knowledge that I'll never have any) but it seems 
to me that you want to foster your kids' emotional growth in a safe 
environment - spying on them will not protect that in the same way that 
a good relationship with them will. I'm not saying you need to discuss 
this stuff with them, just make sure they know they're safe & loved & 
that they can talk to you if they need to - spying (and you WILL get 
caught if you try to hide it) will surely alienate them.

I see that the way I've approached this subject is probably a 
reflection upon the single-trackedness of my mind, but spying on your 
kids won't protect your six year old from accidentally viewing porn 
sites - it's clearly something that's only useful for restricting their 
active pursuits on the internet. Spying software won't prevent them 
committing credit-card fraud or downloading copyright MP3s, because 
those activities suggest they're more clued-up than you - a technical 
kid can boot their computer from a Knoppix LiveCD, and you quench P2P 
at the firewall.

Writing this reminds me of a thread a while back on a UK newsgroup 
which was following the prosecution of a teacher who had slept with one 
of her pupils. She was clearly guilty of unprofessionalism and legally 
of abusing a position of trust & responsibility (duty of care?) but  
one poster pointed out, "If it were my lad I'd say `well done, mate`, 
but if one of my daughter's teachers slept with her I'd want to kill 
the bastard". In the same way customers of mine have laughed about £30 
phonecalls run up by their teenage sons on premium rate numbers (for 
dirty talk or porn sites) but a friend who is the father of teenage 
daughters, a very technical guy who uses content filtering, just freaks 
out when I flippantly suggest that they might not actually want or need 
to be protected.

If you're considering these technologies, here's one more thing to mess 
your head up: almost all the girls I've met who like bondage had 
protective fathers, and (to a greater extent than average, I feel) were 
Daddy's little girl, or his "princess".

Stroller.