Trouble with mail.app

[J]

I am having some trouble with mail.app and wonder if I missed any 
responses or if there were any.

One account does not pick up, and sometimes it gives me the "not 
allowed on port 110" error.
Other times, it keeps wanting to send from mac.com when I have deleted 
that smtp a zillion times.
And other times, when forwarding spam, it just quits on me.
And today I could have sworn I saw it give a message that said 
something to the effect of "gathering up the children". HUH? :-)

My other question is, has anyone purchased the new iChatAV and did they 
solve the mute button and adding buddy problem? I don't want to pay for 
it for this machine if those things have not been fixed.
It think it should come already installed in system 10.3 machines.

Thanks.
j